Trying to be a human

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Just had a little studio visit.
Honestly I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing right now.

Trying to prepare the next zine club.
Trying to finish planning this wedding.
Trying to comprehend actually getting married.
Trying not to freak out about the future.

And on top of that,

Trying to get into the studio.
Trying to understand what I'm making.
Trying to play.
Trying not to force it.
Trying to be intentional.
But not too intentional.

Then there's the more boring things like,

Trying to make sure all my bills get paid on time.
Trying to figure out what to make for dinner.
Trying not to eat coco puffs for every meal.

Being a human is hard.

in april

Thursday, May 5, 2016

I hung up a long shelf in my studio, six feet long, and a place to hold all of my weird broken objects. There are my broken cups, the broken glass from my french press, the tiny broken pane of glass from the frame that held a photograph of Carly and I. Then there are the dried flower petals, a stack of envelopes with an ink spill on all the corners, the scrap of dryer lint that's light on one side and dark on the other, the empty ink bottle with a ring of dark blue dried in the bottom, the hard little ball of paper–something that went through the washer and came out a dried paper rock.

These are the things I'm weirdly attracted to right now.

So the studio has been a bit strange. I've been here, I've been coming. On Tuesday Melina and I came in and tore everything apart and re organized. Now my desk is by the window, right by the window, and there is a scattered map of post-it notes on the wall, me trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing. I don't really know.

For the record here are a list of those words on the wall:

purposeless things

For the record here is a list of other things I'm interested in:

Photographs not being Photographs
Unreadable text
Objects as placeholders

studio update

Thursday, March 31, 2016

I made it to 15 visits this month!

I've been doing a lot of small experiments lately. Been using my instax almost every time I go into the studio. Been writing illegible things on paper and folding the paper up. Been drying out flowers, and putting water into glasses, and stacking books on ladders, and photographing the light and my face. (Photographing them usually together.)

I don't really know where it's leading. But I know that right now it's about loss and confusion and trying to figure myself out. (Isn't it always about trying to figure myself out?) It's funny to feel hesitant to write about personal issues on this personal blog, but I'm feeling hesitant. To write about something on this blog makes it real and important, and that's scary. Words are weighty and you can't take them back and sometimes you can't stop them from going.

Suffice it to say that I'm going through some sort of personal loss, and I feel a little like my heart is breaking. That sounds a little melodramatic without any details, and I very very much hope that I can come back here one day and read this and think that it was quite melodramatic and that I was overreacting. Until then, all I can do is make art and watch Grey's Anatomy.

Here are some snippets from the past month. Process work, all of it. Time well spent, all of it. The studio quadrant of my heart is full.

something broken

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Physical objects representing emotional voids.


Tuesday, March 22, 2016